conditions.

I’ve heard of the 90 day rule.

The using people only to satisfy one’s “needs” logic. 

Celibacy/swearing off the opposite sex to alleviate being put through the same circumstances once again. 

But it’s all a rouse, be it on oneself or another..

Eh. 

That awk moment when it’s a little over a week until I’ll see a year of abstinence. 

It wasn’t intentional. 

One day I just sat back and wondered why am I offering myself sexually, when my needs aren’t being met emotionally and mentally? 

That’s no one’s fault but my own, as one can’t provide what you don’t make known…but again, without that observation , I would have never been able to make that realization. 

Either way it’s been difficult. 

Not in regard to the lack of physical interaction, but more so having to accept what that desire actually represents.

It’s easy to find someone to sleep with, women and men alike, but someone to share yourself with? Not so much. 

Despite all the noise people talk, sex, in it’s entirety, lasts about 20 minutes. 

I guess that’s cool, but like what’s done in that time I can achieve on my own, in a fraction of the time at that. 

During the course of this year, I’ve come to realize that intimacy, vulnerability, connectedness, freedom to be myself sans judgement, acceptance AND appreciation for me for everything I am/lack are far more important..

With those, the physical experience in itself is far more enjoyable. 

I hate when people say others have “good” 😺 or peen, as if that is a birthright or a gene that’s passed along. 

It’s not a thing. 

Assess why you truly assert such & I can almost guarantee it’ll fall back on some actual feelings for the person. 

Just like people complain of “wack” sexual encounters, probably because it’s just that. 

There’s no investment in one another, thus no actual desire to please, just to accomplish the task at hand for oneself. 

Here and there I find myself thinking I want to engage physically, then I quickly realize that’s not what I actually want, we’re just conditioned to believe that offering our bodies entitles us to what we truly desire. 

#StayWoke

So I’m going to continue to keep my goods on ice until I’m capable of freely expressing what I desire, and have that offered to me and reciprocate the same for another. 

Bless.